24 Best Shrek Quotes and Misquotes

Shrek Quotes

These are the Shrek quotes that any true fan needs to know! The funniest, most brilliant quotes from the movie.

Shrek Quotes

I’m going to be a father, how did this happen?

“I’m going to be a father, how did this happen?” – Shrek

This’ll be fun. We’ll stay up late, swapping manly stories, and in the morning… I’m making waffles.

“This’ll be fun. We’ll stay up late, swapping manly stories, and in the morning… I’m making waffles.” – Donkey

And then one time I ate some rotten berries. Man, there were some strong gases eeking outta my butt that day.

“And then one time I ate some rotten berries. Man, there were some strong gases eeking outta my butt that day.” – Donkey

Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away.

“Five shillings for the possessed toy. Take it away.” – Captain of Guards

Although she lives with seven other men, she’s not easy.

“Although she lives with seven other men, she’s not easy.” – Magic Mirror

Donkey, if that was me, you’d be dead. That’s brimstone… we must be getting close.

“Donkey, if that was me, you’d be dead. That’s brimstone… we must be getting close.” – Shrek

I’m not a puppet. I’m a real boy.

“I’m not a puppet. I’m a real boy.” – Pinocchio

No! I’m an ogre! You know, Grab your torch and pitchforks!

“No! I’m an ogre! You know, Grab your torch and pitchforks!” – Shrek

Whoa. Look at that. Who’d wanna live in a place like that?

“Whoa. Look at that. Who’d wanna live in a place like that?” – Donkey

Well it’s no wonder you don’t have any friends.

“Well it’s no wonder you don’t have any friends.” – Shrek

Ogres are like onions.

“Ogres are like onions.” – Shrek

Man, you gotta warn somebody before you crack one like that. My mouth was open and everything.

“Man, you gotta warn somebody before you crack one like that. My mouth was open and everything.” – Donkey

You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly, but I bet you ain’t never seen a donkey fly.

“You might have seen a housefly, maybe even a superfly, but I bet you ain’t never seen a donkey fly.” – Donkey

I just know, before this is over, I’m gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy. Look at my eye twitchin’.

“I just know, before this is over, I’m gonna need a whole lot of serious therapy. Look at my eye twitchin’.” – Donkey

Someday, I Will Repay You. Unless, Of Course, I Can’t Find You Or If I Forget.

“Someday, I Will Repay You. Unless, Of Course, I Can’t Find You Or If I Forget.” – Shrek

Please. I don’t wanna go back there. You don’t know what it’s like to be considered a freak… Well, maybe you do, but that’s why we gotta stick together. You gotta let me stay!

“Please. I don’t wanna go back there. You don’t know what it’s like to be considered a freak… Well, maybe you do, but that’s why we gotta stick together. You gotta let me stay!” – Donkey

Wow. Let’s do that again.

“Wow. Let’s do that again.” – Donkey

What kind of a knight are you?

“What kind of a knight are you?” – Princess Fiona

Eat me.

“Eat me.” – Gingerbread Man

Huh, celebrity marriages. They never last, do they?

“Huh, celebrity marriages. They never last, do they?” – Donkey

Because that’s what friends do, they FORGIVE EACH OTHER.

“Because that’s what friends do, they FORGIVE EACH OTHER.” – Donkey

Do you think he’s maybe compensating for something?

“Do you think he’s maybe compensating for something?” – Shrek

C’mon, princess, you’re not that ugly. All right, you are ugly. But you’re only like this at night. Shrek’s ugly 24/7.

“C’mon, princess, you’re not that ugly. All right, you are ugly. But you’re only like this at night. Shrek’s ugly 24/7.” – Donkey

Wow, only a true friend would be that truly honest.

“Wow, only a true friend would be that truly honest.” – Donkey

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