50 Spooky (And Funny) Halloween Quotes

Funny Halloween Quotes

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Halloween is all about the costumes, the candy, and the décor, but what about attention to detail when it comes to Halloween greetings? Knowing what to write in a card, or how to caption a photograph on social media can really make or break the whole shebang, so why not invest a little time before the big day to perfect your witty repartee?

This list contains dozens of the best funny Halloween quotes to really get you ahead of the game, from the Sanderson sisters to Wednesday Addams, and Oscar Wilde to Edgar Allen Poe, all of whom perfected the art of horror with a side of humor. Both your house and you might be dressed to impress, but unless you have an arsenal of witty sayings to go with them, your display could go from ‘aaarrrggghhh’ to blah in a matter of moments.

Whether you are writing in a card, posting online, or captioning the best scary shots from the night’s festivities, these funny Halloween quotes will really add a certain je ne sais quoi to the proceedings and ensure you and your costume will not be forgotten in a hurry.

For more holiday wishes, take a look at these Thanksgiving quotes and this list of the best Christmas quotes.

Halloween Quotes

Dear Great Pumpkin, Halloween is now only a few days away. Children all over the world await you coming. When you rise out of the pumpkin patch that night, please remember I am your most loyal follower.

“Dear Great Pumpkin, Halloween is now only a few days away. Children all over the world await you coming. When you rise out of the pumpkin patch that night, please remember I am your most loyal follower.” – Linus, It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown

I’m a homicidal maniac. They look just like everyone else.

“I’m a homicidal maniac. They look just like everyone else.” – Wednesday Addams

Sticky fingers, tired feet; one last house, trick or treat!

“Sticky fingers, tired feet; one last house, trick or treat!” – Rusty Fischer

You may also like: These short and sweet Easter quotes https://brightdrops.com/easter-quotes

Hell is empty and all the devils are here.

“Hell is empty and all the devils are here.” – William Shakespeare

I see my face in the mirror and go, ‘I’m a Halloween costume? That’s what they think of me?’

“I see my face in the mirror and go, ‘I’m a Halloween costume? That’s what they think of me?’” – Drew Carey

Things are never quite as scary when you’ve got a best friend.

“Things are never quite as scary when you’ve got a best friend.” – Bill Waterson

Related: New Year Quotes

I’m friends with the monster that’s under my bed.

“I’m friends with the monster that’s under my bed.” – Rihanna

If human beings had genuine courage, they’d wear their costumes every day of the year, not just on Halloween.

“If human beings had genuine courage, they’d wear their costumes every day of the year, not just on Halloween.” – Douglas Copeland

I love Halloween, and I love that feeling: the cold air, the spooky dangers lurking around the corner.

“I love Halloween, and I love that feeling: the cold air, the spooky dangers lurking around the corner.” – Evan Peters

A mask tells us more than a face.

“A mask tells us more than a face.” – Oscar Wilde, Irish Poet

Believe nothing you hear, and only one half that you see.

“Believe nothing you hear, and only one half that you see.” – Edgar Allan Poe

From ghoulies and ghosties and long–leggedy beasties and things that go bump in the night, Good Lord, deliver us!

“From ghoulies and ghosties and long–leggedy beasties and things that go bump in the night, Good Lord, deliver us!” – Scottish Saying

I’m a witch every day. Not just for Halloween.

“I’m a witch every day. Not just for Halloween.” – Unknown

Well, fancy! We desire children.

“Well, fancy! We desire children.” – Winifred Sanderson

Am I walking toward something I should be running away from?

“Am I walking toward something I should be running away from?” – Shirley Jackson

Be afraid, be very afraid.

“Be afraid, be very afraid.” – Ronnie, The Fly, Halloween

Magic is really very simple, all you’ve got to do is want something and then let yourself have it.

“Magic is really very simple, all you’ve got to do is want something and then let yourself have it.” – Aggie Cromwell

I put a spell on you because you’re mine.

“I put a spell on you because you’re mine.” – Jay Hawkins

He had arranged the arms and legs in letters, and the letters spelled out a single small word: BOO. The three torsos were carefully arranged below the BOO in a quarter–circle, making a cute little Halloween smile.

“He had arranged the arms and legs in letters, and the letters spelled out a single small word: BOO. The three torsos were carefully arranged below the BOO in a quarter–circle, making a cute little Halloween smile.” – Jeff Lindsay

This Halloween the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him.

“This Halloween the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him.” – Conan O’Brien

Have you come to sing pumpkin carols?

“Have you come to sing pumpkin carols?” – Linus, It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown

There is nothing that gives more assurance than a mask.

“There is nothing that gives more assurance than a mask.” – Sidonie-Gabrielle Colette

A person should always choose a costume which is in direct contrast to her own personality.

“A person should always choose a costume which is in direct contrast to her own personality.” – Lucy Van Pelt

It reeks of children!

“It reeks of children!” – Mary Sanderson

Shadows of a thousand years rise again unseen. Voices whisper in the trees, ‘Tonight is Halloween!’

“Shadows of a thousand years rise again unseen. Voices whisper in the trees, ‘Tonight is Halloween!’” – Dexter Kozen

We make up horrors to help us cope with the real ones.

“We make up horrors to help us cope with the real ones.” – Stephen King

Wench! Trollop! You bucktoothed, mop–riding firefly from hell!

“Wench! Trollop! You bucktoothed, mop–riding firefly from hell!” – Billy Butcherson, Hocus Pocus

During the day, I don’t believe in ghosts. At night, I’m a little more open–minded.

“During the day, I don’t believe in ghosts. At night, I’m a little more open–minded.” – Unknown

Tis the night—the night of the graves delight and the warlocks are at their play; Ye think that without the wild winds shout, but no, it is they—it is they.

“Tis the night—the night of the graves delight and the warlocks are at their play; Ye think that without the wild winds shout, but no, it is they—it is they.” – Arthur Cleveland Coxe

I’ve seen enough horror movies to know that any weirdo wearing a mask is never friendly.

“I’ve seen enough horror movies to know that any weirdo wearing a mask is never friendly.” – Elizabeth, Friday The 13th Part VI

It’s a full moon tonight. That’s why all the weirdos are out.

“It’s a full moon tonight. That’s why all the weirdos are out.” – Dani, Hocus Pocus

Halloween is huge in my house and we really get into the ‘spirits’ of things.

“Halloween is huge in my house and we really get into the ‘spirits’ of things.” – Dee Snider

Every day is Halloween, isn’t it? For some of us.

“Every day is Halloween, isn’t it? For some of us.” – Tim Burton

Witch and ghost make merry on this last of dear October days.

“Witch and ghost make merry on this last of dear October days.” – Unknown

The witches fly, Across the sky, The owls go, ‘Who? Who? Who?’ The black cats yowl, And green ghosts howl, ‘Scary Halloween to you!’

“The witches fly, Across the sky, The owls go, ‘Who? Who? Who?’ The black cats yowl, And green ghosts howl, ‘Scary Halloween to you!’” – Nina Willis Walter

I’ll stop wearing black when they make a darker color.

“I’ll stop wearing black when they make a darker color.” – Wednesday Addams

There is a child in every one of us who is still a trick–or–treater looking for a brightly–lit front porch.

“There is a child in every one of us who is still a trick–or–treater looking for a brightly–lit front porch.” – Robert Brault

Clothes make a statement. Costumes tell a story.

“Clothes make a statement. Costumes tell a story.” – Mason Cooley

Werewolves howl. Phantoms prowl. Halloween’s upon us now.

“Werewolves howl. Phantoms prowl. Halloween’s upon us now.” – Richelle E. Goodrich

The Halloween wind was blowing, not a blasting of wind but a right–sized swelling, falling, and gushing of wind. It was a lovely and exciting night, exactly the kind of night Halloween should be.

“The Halloween wind was blowing, not a blasting of wind but a right–sized swelling, falling, and gushing of wind. It was a lovely and exciting night, exactly the kind of night Halloween should be.” – Eleanor Estes

Witch parking. All others will be toad.

“Witch parking. All others will be toad.” – Unknown

This witch can be bribed with chocolate.

“This witch can be bribed with chocolate.” – Unknown

On Halloween, witches come true; wild ghosts escape from dreams. Each monster dances in the park.

“On Halloween, witches come true; wild ghosts escape from dreams. Each monster dances in the park.” – Nicholas Gordon

Halloween wraps fear in innocence, as though it were a slightly sour sweet. Let terror, then, be turned into a treat…

“Halloween wraps fear in innocence, as though it were a slightly sour sweet. Let terror, then, be turned into a treat…” – Nicholas Gordon

It’s Halloween; everyone’s entitled to one good scare.

“It’s Halloween; everyone’s entitled to one good scare.” – Sheriff Leigh Brackett, Halloween

It’s all just a bunch of hocus pocus.

“It’s all just a bunch of hocus pocus.” – Max, Hocus Pocus

I’m so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers.

“I’m so glad I live in a world where there are Octobers.” – L.M. Montgomery

Halloween is not only about putting on a costume, but it’s about finding the imagination and costume within ourselves.

“Halloween is not only about putting on a costume, but it’s about finding the imagination and costume within ourselves.” – Elvis Duran

I dropped the candies into the children’s bags, thinking: You small mortals don’t realize the power of your stories.

“I dropped the candies into the children’s bags, thinking: You small mortals don’t realize the power of your stories.” – Karen Russell

This wallpaper and I are fighting a duel to the death. Either it goes or I do.

“This wallpaper and I are fighting a duel to the death. Either it goes or I do.” – Oscar Wilde

More Good Quotes for Holidays:

  • 44 Happy Father’s Day Quotes
  • 101 Happy Birthday Quotes and Messages
  • 58 Best Memorial Day Quotes
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