96 Really Funny Coffee Quotes

Coffee Quotes

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Wether you’re looking for a good social media post, tweet, caption or message, use this list of hilariously funny coffee quotes to share your love of coffee and why your survival depends on it on the daily.

If you’re looking for a good way to start your day or a message you share with your followers/friends in the morning, take a look at these good morning quotes.

Coffee Quotes

Life is like coffee, the darker it gets, the more it energizes.

“Life is like coffee, the darker it gets, the more it energizes.” – Ankita Singhal

As long as there was coffee in the world, how bad could things be?

“As long as there was coffee in the world, how bad could things be?” – Cassandra Clare

I like my coffee like I like myself: strong, sweet, and too hot for you.

“I like my coffee like I like myself: strong, sweet, and too hot for you.” – Jac Vanek

When traveling with someone, take large does of patience and tolerance with your morning coffee.

“When traveling with someone, take large does of patience and tolerance with your morning coffee.” – Helen Hayes

You may also like: These daily inspirational quotes to start your day off right: https://brightdrops.com/daily-inspirational-quotes

If you feel a need to get wired, take my advice. Loud, fast music coupled with strong, black coffee is the best way to go.

“If you feel a need to get wired, take my advice. Loud, fast music coupled with strong, black coffee is the best way to go.” – Lou Brutus

Please pour me some coffee and sit beside me. I want to have a perfect start to this day.

“Please pour me some coffee and sit beside me. I want to have a perfect start to this day.” – Nitya Prakash

May your coffee be stronger than any challenges you face today. But if not, remember: DON’T throw your cup at anyone. You need it for refills.

“May your coffee be stronger than any challenges you face today. But if not, remember: DON’T throw your cup at anyone. You need it for refills.” – Nanea Hoffman

Related: Motivational Quotes

Life’s too short for bad coffee.

“Life’s too short for bad coffee.” – Gord Downie

Once you wake up and smell the coffee, it’s hard to go back to sleep.

“Once you wake up and smell the coffee, it’s hard to go back to sleep.” – Fran Drescher

Coffee, the finest organic suspension ever devised.

“Coffee, the finest organic suspension ever devised.” – Star Trek

Coffee connects us in so many ways – to each other, to our senses, and to the earth that supports the coffee trees.

“Coffee connects us in so many ways – to each other, to our senses, and to the earth that supports the coffee trees.” – Rohan Marley

Strange how the bitterness of coffee makes life sweet.

“Strange how the bitterness of coffee makes life sweet.” – Suhaib Rumi

I had some dreams, they were clouds in my coffee.

“I had some dreams, they were clouds in my coffee.” – Carly Simon

Four cups of coffee a day may keep depression at bay.

“Four cups of coffee a day may keep depression at bay.” – Steven Magee

Smell the roses. Smell the coffee. Whatever it is that makes you happy.

“Smell the roses. Smell the coffee. Whatever it is that makes you happy.” – Rita Moreno

To an old man a cup of coffee is like the door post of an old house — it sustains and strengthens him.

“To an old man a cup of coffee is like the door post of an old house — it sustains and strengthens him.” – Old Bourbon Proverb

Good communication is just as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after.

“Good communication is just as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after.” – Anne Morrow Lindbergh

The morning cup of coffee has an exhilaration about it which the cheering influence of the afternoon or evening cup of tea cannot be expected to reproduce.

“The morning cup of coffee has an exhilaration about it which the cheering influence of the afternoon or evening cup of tea cannot be expected to reproduce.” – Oliver Wendell Holmes

I have measured out my life with coffee spoons.

“I have measured out my life with coffee spoons.” – T. S. Eliot

There’s nothing sweeter than a cup of bitter coffee.

“There’s nothing sweeter than a cup of bitter coffee.” – Rian Aditia

He was my cream, and I was his coffee – And when you poured us together, it was something.

“He was my cream, and I was his coffee – And when you poured us together, it was something.” – Josephine Baker

Coffee is the common man’s gold, and like gold, it brings to every person the feeling of luxury and nobility. – Sheik-Abd-al

“Coffee is the common man’s gold, and like gold, it brings to every person the feeling of luxury and nobility. – Sheik-Abd-al” – Kadir

I wake up some mornings and sit and have my coffee and look out at my beautiful garden, and I go, ‘Remember how good this is. Because you can lose it.'

“I wake up some mornings and sit and have my coffee and look out at my beautiful garden, and I go, ‘Remember how good this is. Because you can lose it.'” – Jim Carrey

My perfect morning is spent drinking coffee, eating porridge and reading the paper at a local cafe.

“My perfect morning is spent drinking coffee, eating porridge and reading the paper at a local cafe.” – Anton du Beke

Mechanically we start our coffee so hoping that a fresh and strong cup of coffee will ignite our body.

“Mechanically we start our coffee so hoping that a fresh and strong cup of coffee will ignite our body.” – Byron Pulsifer

Being able to kick back on your couch, bed, or porch with a nice book and a cup of coffee is something you would be hard-pressed to complain about.

“Being able to kick back on your couch, bed, or porch with a nice book and a cup of coffee is something you would be hard-pressed to complain about.” – Daniel Lancaster

It’s amazing how the world begins to change through the eyes of a cup of coffee.

“It’s amazing how the world begins to change through the eyes of a cup of coffee.” – Donna A. Favors

It doesn’t matter where you’re from – or how you feel… There’s always peace in a strong cup of coffee.

“It doesn’t matter where you’re from – or how you feel… There’s always peace in a strong cup of coffee.” – Gabriel Bá

Coffee is a way of stealing time that should by rights belong to your older self.

“Coffee is a way of stealing time that should by rights belong to your older self.” – Terry Pratchett

Among the numerous luxuries of the table… coffee may be considered as one of the most valuable.

“Among the numerous luxuries of the table… coffee may be considered as one of the most valuable.” – Benjamin Franklin

I gave up coffee. It’s almost worse than giving up a lover.

“I gave up coffee. It’s almost worse than giving up a lover.” – Sandra Bullock

Behind every successful woman is a substantial amount of coffee.

“Behind every successful woman is a substantial amount of coffee.” – Stephanie Piro

In our planet, more than 1 billion people start their day by drinking a cup of coffee. That makes coffee the most popular drink at the world level after water.

“In our planet, more than 1 billion people start their day by drinking a cup of coffee. That makes coffee the most popular drink at the world level after water.” – Diego Pizano

Coffee, It’s the lifeblood that fuels the dreams of champions!

“Coffee, It’s the lifeblood that fuels the dreams of champions!” – Mike Ditka

When I wake up in the morning, I just can’t get started until I’ve had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I’ve tried other enemas.

“When I wake up in the morning, I just can’t get started until I’ve had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I’ve tried other enemas.” – Emo Phillips

The powers of a man’s mind are directly proportional to the quantity of coffee he drank.

“The powers of a man’s mind are directly proportional to the quantity of coffee he drank.” – Sir James MacKintosh

I was taken by the power that savoring a simple cup of coffee can have to connect people and create community.

“I was taken by the power that savoring a simple cup of coffee can have to connect people and create community.” – Howard Schultz

I’d rather take coffee than compliments just now.

“I’d rather take coffee than compliments just now.” – Louisa May Alcott

Once you have learned to appreciate the finest coffees, you can never really go back.

“Once you have learned to appreciate the finest coffees, you can never really go back.” – Sebastien

Coffee first. Schemes later.

“Coffee first. Schemes later.” – Leanna Renee Hieber

I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.

“I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.” – Lewis Black

What do you want? Just coffee. Black – like my soul.

“What do you want? Just coffee. Black – like my soul.” – Cassandra Clare

I orchestrate my mornings to the tune of coffee.

“I orchestrate my mornings to the tune of coffee.” – Terri Guillemets

Coffee is a warm drink that fosters friendship and tastes great. What more is there to life?

“Coffee is a warm drink that fosters friendship and tastes great. What more is there to life?” – Kevin Sinnott

I would rather suffer with coffee than be senseless.

“I would rather suffer with coffee than be senseless.” – Napoleon Bonaparte

Coffee is a language in itself.

“Coffee is a language in itself.” – Jackie Chan

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

“I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.” – Steven Wright

Actually, this seems to be the basic need of the human heart in nearly every great crisis – a good hot cup of coffee.

“Actually, this seems to be the basic need of the human heart in nearly every great crisis – a good hot cup of coffee.” – Alexander King

Yes, I’ve only had a gallon.

“Yes, I’ve only had a gallon.” – John Grisham, The Confession

You have almost no interest in coffee and then have an epiphany, a cup of coffee that changes everything. ― Maxwell Colonna

“You have almost no interest in coffee and then have an epiphany, a cup of coffee that changes everything. ― Maxwell Colonna” – Dashwood

Coffee is a kind of magic you can drink.

“Coffee is a kind of magic you can drink.” – Catherynne M. Valente

Coffee, the favorite drink of the civilized world.

“Coffee, the favorite drink of the civilized world.” – Thomas Jefferson

I need coffee to deal with this, and I’m not getting decaf.

“I need coffee to deal with this, and I’m not getting decaf.” – Matthew Arnold Stern

In the modern world, coffee has become a familiar part of everyday life.

“In the modern world, coffee has become a familiar part of everyday life.” – Adriana Farah

Coffee smells like freshly ground heaven.

“Coffee smells like freshly ground heaven.” – Jessi Lane Adams

I love coffee. I sometimes get excited at night thinking of the coffee I’ll get to drink in the morning. Coffee is reason to wake up. There are other reasons, of course. But coffee is the incentive, at the very least.

“I love coffee. I sometimes get excited at night thinking of the coffee I’ll get to drink in the morning. Coffee is reason to wake up. There are other reasons, of course. But coffee is the incentive, at the very least.” – Annie Clark

Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries.

“Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries.” – Bill Cosby

You can’t have a decent food culture without a decent coffee culture: the two things grow up together.

“You can’t have a decent food culture without a decent coffee culture: the two things grow up together.” – Adam Gopnik

I judge a restaurant by the bread and by the coffee.

“I judge a restaurant by the bread and by the coffee.” – Burt Lancaster

I don’t know how people live without coffee, I really don’t.

“I don’t know how people live without coffee, I really don’t.” – Martha Quinn

The fresh smell of coffee soon wafted through the apartment, the smell that separates night from day.

“The fresh smell of coffee soon wafted through the apartment, the smell that separates night from day.” – Haruki Murakami

Coffee is a beverage that puts one to sleep when not drank.

“Coffee is a beverage that puts one to sleep when not drank.” – Alphonse Allais

Why, yes, I could start my day without coffee. But I like being able to remember things like how to say words and put on pants.

“Why, yes, I could start my day without coffee. But I like being able to remember things like how to say words and put on pants.” – Nanea Hoffman

I only drink coffee grown in high altitude rainforests.

“I only drink coffee grown in high altitude rainforests.” – Rob Dyrdek

Adventure in life is good; consistency in coffee even better.

“Adventure in life is good; consistency in coffee even better.” – Justina Chen Headley

Coffee. Creative lighter fluid.

“Coffee. Creative lighter fluid.” – Floyd Maxwell

Coffee is already known to be a preventative factor against mild depression, Parkinson’s disease, and colon and rectal cancers.

“Coffee is already known to be a preventative factor against mild depression, Parkinson’s disease, and colon and rectal cancers.” – Chris Kilham

Way too much coffee. But if it weren’t for the coffee, I’d have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

“Way too much coffee. But if it weren’t for the coffee, I’d have no identifiable personality whatsoever.” – David Letterman

They said I could be anything, so I decided to be caffeinated!

“They said I could be anything, so I decided to be caffeinated!” – Lizzie Chantree

Coffee is the best thing to douse the sunrise with.

“Coffee is the best thing to douse the sunrise with.” – Terri Guillemets

I love having a croissant and a great cup of coffee. Just one cup.

“I love having a croissant and a great cup of coffee. Just one cup.” – Marcus Samuelsson

At least there was coffee. Reliable, delicious, life-giving coffee.

“At least there was coffee. Reliable, delicious, life-giving coffee.” – Mary H.K. Choi

Science may never come up with a better office communication system than the coffee break.

“Science may never come up with a better office communication system than the coffee break.” – Earl Wilson

No matter what historians claimed, BC really stood for Before Coffee.

“No matter what historians claimed, BC really stood for Before Coffee.” – Cherise Sinclair

I can’t write this without coffee, it keeps my soul young and ambitious.

“I can’t write this without coffee, it keeps my soul young and ambitious.” – Omer Demir

To me, the smell of fresh-made coffee is one of the greatest inventions.

“To me, the smell of fresh-made coffee is one of the greatest inventions.” – Hugh Jackman

Coffee.

“Coffee.” – Tiffany Reisz, The Siren

If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.

“If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.” – Abraham Lincoln

I like to sit down, relax, have a cup of coffee on the terrace and read a book.

“I like to sit down, relax, have a cup of coffee on the terrace and read a book.” – Marianne Vos

There are three intolerable things in life – cold coffee, lukewarm champagne, and overexcited women…

“There are three intolerable things in life – cold coffee, lukewarm champagne, and overexcited women…” – Orson Welles

Three hundred years ago, during the Age of Enlightenment, the coffee house became the center of innovation.

“Three hundred years ago, during the Age of Enlightenment, the coffee house became the center of innovation.” – Peter Diamonde

I never drink coffee at lunch. I find it keeps me awake for the afternoon.

“I never drink coffee at lunch. I find it keeps me awake for the afternoon.” – Ronald Reagan

A morning coffee is my favorite way of starting the day, settling the nerves so that they don’t later fray.

“A morning coffee is my favorite way of starting the day, settling the nerves so that they don’t later fray.” – Marcia Carrington

Coffee is still the first beverage that we all drink before we start our everyday lives, but we all keep talking exclusively about caffeine.

“Coffee is still the first beverage that we all drink before we start our everyday lives, but we all keep talking exclusively about caffeine.” – Roseane M. Santos

I do not question anyone anymore. I drink coffee and I live.

“I do not question anyone anymore. I drink coffee and I live.” – Tahar Ben Jelloun

I can’t imagine a day without coffee! I can’t imagine.

“I can’t imagine a day without coffee! I can’t imagine.” – Howard Schultz

Never trust anyone who doesn’t drink coffee.

“Never trust anyone who doesn’t drink coffee.” – AJ Lee

The powers of a man’s mind are directly proportioned to the quantity of coffee he drinks.

“The powers of a man’s mind are directly proportioned to the quantity of coffee he drinks.” – Sir James Mackintosh

I make a mean cup of coffee, if you give me the right ingredients.

“I make a mean cup of coffee, if you give me the right ingredients.” – Ice Cube

Never underestimate the power of a good cup of coffee.

“Never underestimate the power of a good cup of coffee.” – Ursula Vernon

It’s when you look over the top of your coffee cup, that you can smile at life.

“It’s when you look over the top of your coffee cup, that you can smile at life.” – Anthony T. Hincks.

No one can understand the truth until he drinks of coffee’s frothy goodness.

“No one can understand the truth until he drinks of coffee’s frothy goodness.” – Sheik Abd-al-Kabir

Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze?

“Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze?” – Jean Kerr

I love it when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable bad*ss I’m gonna be today.

“I love it when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable bad*ss I’m gonna be today.” – Nanea Hoffman

I like a venti black coffee, no room for cream or sugar.

“I like a venti black coffee, no room for cream or sugar.” – Victor J. Glover

Without my morning coffee, I’m just like a dried-up piece of a goat.

“Without my morning coffee, I’m just like a dried-up piece of a goat.” – J.S. Bach

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