25 Christmas Vacation Quotes for Pure Nostalgia

Christmas Vacation Quotes

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Christmas just isn’t Christmas without spending at least an hour or so in the company of the Griswolds and their RV-dwelling relatives. Arguably one of the funniest holiday movies ever, National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation is a study in families, pressure, and how Murphy’s Law – anything that can go wrong, will – can strike the best of us, even when we think we have it all in hand.

Transport yourself back to a family Christmas 1980s style, and comfort yourself with the knowledge that, despite your best efforts, things may not necessarily happen the way you expect them to. Just when you think you have the holiday all figured out, life will throw you a curveball in the form of your own personal Cousin Eddie, but take heart from these Christmas Vacation quotes which show that it really does happen to the best of us.

Whether you’re looking for funny words to write in a card, or simply looking for proof that bad things happen to Clarks and Ellens despite their best efforts, these Christmas Vacation quotes will encapsulate the highs and lows of family occasions in a lighthearted, hilarious way. So, if the lights don’t work, the turkey implodes, or the cat ends up being electrocuted on the tree lights, know that you’re in excellent company, and that your own personal Christmas Star, whatever that might be, is still there to guide you, even when it all goes wrong.

If you’re looking for more holiday cheer, take a look at these Christmas quotes.

Christmas Vacation Quotes

I don’t want to spend the holidays DEAD!

“I don’t want to spend the holidays DEAD!” – Ellen Griswold

And if it wouldn’t be too much, I’d like to get something for you, Clark… something real nice.

“And if it wouldn’t be too much, I’d like to get something for you, Clark… something real nice.” – Cousin Eddie

I don’t know if I should do sailing down no hill with nothing between the ground and my brain but a piece of government plastic.

“I don’t know if I should do sailing down no hill with nothing between the ground and my brain but a piece of government plastic.” – Cousin Eddie

You may also like: These hilarious quotes from the movie Elf: https://brightdrops.com/elf-quotes

Clark, I’d like to try to fumigate this here chair, it’s a good quality item. If you don’t mind my askin’, how much did she set you back?

“Clark, I’d like to try to fumigate this here chair, it’s a good quality item. If you don’t mind my askin’, how much did she set you back?” – Cousin Eddie

Get me somebody, anybody. And get me somebody while I’m waiting.

“Get me somebody, anybody. And get me somebody while I’m waiting.” – Frank Shirley

Better take a rain check on that, Art- He’s got a lip fungus they ain’t identified yet.

“Better take a rain check on that, Art- He’s got a lip fungus they ain’t identified yet.” – Cousin Eddie

Related: Grinch Quotes

That right there is a RV, I got it off my buddy, and I sold him my house for that right there vehicle.

“That right there is a RV, I got it off my buddy, and I sold him my house for that right there vehicle.” – Cousin Eddie

Last season he was a pixie dust speaker on the Tilt-A-Whirl. He thinks that next year he’ll be guessing people’s weight or barkin’ for the yak lady.

“Last season he was a pixie dust speaker on the Tilt-A-Whirl. He thinks that next year he’ll be guessing people’s weight or barkin’ for the yak lady.” – Cousin Eddie

Clark, were stuck under a truck!

“Clark, were stuck under a truck!” – Ellen Griswold

They had to replace my metal plate with a plastic one. Every time Catherine would rev up the microwave, I’d piss my pants and forget who I was for about half an hour.

“They had to replace my metal plate with a plastic one. Every time Catherine would rev up the microwave, I’d piss my pants and forget who I was for about half an hour.” – Cousin Eddie

What is it? A letter confirming your reservation at the nuthouse?

“What is it? A letter confirming your reservation at the nuthouse?” – Grandpa Art
You about ready to do some kissin’?

“You about ready to do some kissin’?” – Cousin Eddie
Don’t throw me down, Clark.

“Don’t throw me down, Clark.” – Aunt Bethany

Oh dear, did I break wind?

“Oh dear, did I break wind?” – Aunt Bethany

You couldn’t hear a dump truck driving through a nitroglycerin plant.

“You couldn’t hear a dump truck driving through a nitroglycerin plant.” – Uncle Lewis

Is your house on fire, Clark?

“Is your house on fire, Clark?” – Aunt Bethany

Save the neck for me, Clark.

“Save the neck for me, Clark.” – Cousin Eddie

Merry Christmas! Sh*tter was full!

“Merry Christmas! Sh*tter was full!” – Cousin Eddie

If only I had that money Catherine and I gave to that TV preacher who was screwin that hockey player.

“If only I had that money Catherine and I gave to that TV preacher who was screwin that hockey player.” – Cousin Eddie

If that thing had nine lives, he just spent ‘em all.

“If that thing had nine lives, he just spent ‘em all.” – Cousin Eddie

I don’t know what to say, except it’s Christmas and we’re all in misery.

“I don’t know what to say, except it’s Christmas and we’re all in misery.” – Ellen Griswold

I’m sorry, this is our family’s first kidnapping.

“I’m sorry, this is our family’s first kidnapping.” – Ellen Griswold

She falls down a well, her eyes go cross. She gets kicked by a mule. They go back. I don’t know.

“She falls down a well, her eyes go cross. She gets kicked by a mule. They go back. I don’t know.” – Cousin Eddie

You ain’t never seen a set on a dog like this one’s got, Clark.

“You ain’t never seen a set on a dog like this one’s got, Clark.” – Cousin Eddie

Think you might be overdoing it, Dad?

“Think you might be overdoing it, Dad?” – Rusty Griswold

More Good Holiday Quotes:

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  • 18 Spooky (And Funny) Halloween Quotes
  • Whether you’re looking for funny words to write in a card, or simply looking for proof that bad things happen to Clarks and Ellens despite their best efforts, these Christmas Vacation quotes will encapsulate the highs and lows of family occasions in a lighthearted, hilarious way.

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