27 Funny Good Morning Quotes to Jumpstart Your Day

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Grab some coffee and get a load of these funny good morning quotes. You’ll get the impression that there’s no such thing as a morning person no matter how smart or successful you are. Everyone has a hard time getting started at 8 am. Don’t feel like you’re alone.

It’s going to be a great morning. Especially if you get a little laugh from these funny good morning quotes.

1. Phil Dunphy on Sunrises.

“Everyone should experience a sunrise at least once a day.” - Phil Dunphy

“Everyone should experience a sunrise at least once a day.” – Phil Dunphy

Where better to start our day than with America’s favorite new dad? Phil Dunphy from the series Modern Family has a way with obvious words. Every day does indeed start with a sunrise, and that’s the way every morning should start.

2. Richard Whately on Losing an Hour.

“Lose an hour in the morning and you will spend all day looking for it.” – Richard Whately

Perhaps a bit more inspirational than most in our list, Whately inspires us to get going. If you lose time now, you might be behind all day. Keep that in mind while you put things off in the morning.

3. Glen Cook on Wonderful Mornings.

“Morning is wonderful. Its only drawback is that it comes at such an inconvenient time of day.” - Glen Cook

“Morning is wonderful. Its only drawback is that it comes at such an inconvenient time of day.” – Glen Cook

I think we can all relate to Glen Cook here. We could all be morning people if morning would just sleep in an extra 10 or 110 minutes. The only way any of us manage to get up anymore is the alarm clock.

4. Jarod Kintz on Dreaming.

“I hate when I dream of alarm clocks going off.” - Jarod Kintz

“I hate when I dream of alarm clocks going off.” – Jarod Kintz

I think we can all relate to the sound of an alarm clock being a part of a dream. The worst is not waking up from a fake alarm that was only a dream. The worst is actually when your actual alarm becomes some part of your bank robbery dream and you sleep right through. Good luck explaining that to the boss.

5. Fulton J. Sheen on 2 Ways to Wake Up.

“There are two ways of waking up in the morning. One is to say, 'Good morning, God,' and the other is to say, 'Good God, morning'!” - Fulton J. Sheen

“There are two ways of waking up in the morning. One is to say, ‘Good morning, God,’ and the other is to say, ‘Good God, morning’!” – Fulton J. Sheen

I believe that most of us fall into this second category of people. Most mornings bring with them the reminders of work and and other responsibilities. Most of us would settle for just a few hours sleep, and so we begin the bargaining.

6. Rachel Caine on Afternoons.

“Afternoons are hard. Mornings are pure evil from the pits of hell, which is why I don't do them anymore.” - Rachel Caine

“Afternoons are hard. Mornings are pure evil from the pits of hell, which is why I don’t do them anymore.” – Rachel Caine

Mornings are from hell. That’d be so nice if we could all start our day at our leisure. Who came up with this whole working 40 hours a week thing anyway? The French are really onto something with this 30 hour work week.

7. Mitch Hedburg Considers a Beret.

“Sometimes I wake up and think I should start wearing a beret, but I don't do it.” - Mitch Hedburg

“Sometimes I wake up and think I should start wearing a beret, but I don’t do it.” – Mitch Hedburg

Those early morning thoughts are the best. We begin to talk ourselves into the craziest things. There’s also that argument we have with ourselves about calling out for the day. Do we have the hours? Is this really worth using our hours?

8. Robert Frost on the Brain.

“The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.” - Robert Frost

“The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.” – Robert Frost

The truth is that most of us have our best thoughts early in the morning. They aren’t always about wearing berets. Sometimes we can even stop and smell the roses. By the time we walk into the office, our mind has left the building.

9. Bob Dole on Feeling Older.

“You feel a little older in the morning. By noon I feel about 55.” - Bob Dole

“You feel a little older in the morning. By noon I feel about 55.” – Bob Dole

Bob Dole made this observation well into his 60s. By the time afternoon rolls around, most of us feel that we could run a marathon. Anything would be better than facing those wee morning hours and the rush hour traffic.

10. Benjamin Franklin on Obituaries.

“I wake up every morning at nine and grab for the morning paper. Then I look at the obituary page. If my name is not on it, I get up.” – Benjamin Franklin

While it might be odd to actually end up reading your own obituary, it’s a great way to gauge your approach to the day. Unfortunately, the statistics are in and 0% of people have ever read their own obituary in the morning paper.

11. Groucho Marx Once Shot an Elephant.

“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I’ll never know.

“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I’ll never know.” – Groucho Marx

Groucho was a master at turning a phrase and exploiting dangling modifiers. This image makes people laugh almost a hundred years later. Just imagine an elephant squeezing into some striped pajamas with a little stocking cap on his head.

12. Robert Orben Wants to Be Rich.

“Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” - Robert Orben

“Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” – Robert Orben

This morning ritual seems more logical but it’s even more unrealistic in America. With the richest 1% an ever shrinking list, the reality of becoming a newcomer is more unlikely than reading your own obituary.

13. Mark Twain on the Most Important Meal of the Day.

“If it's your job to eat a frog, it's best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it's your job to eat two frogs, it's best to eat the biggest one first.” - Mark Twain

“If it’s your job to eat a frog, it’s best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it’s your job to eat two frogs, it’s best to eat the biggest one first.” – Mark Twain

Another day, another dollar. When you have to figuratively eat the frog, eat the biggest one first. Great advice from the father of American Literature. If you start with the biggest problem you’ve got, the day goes smoother.

14. Mark Twain Tells His Secret.

“The secret of getting ahead is getting started.” - Mark Twain

“The secret of getting ahead is getting started.” – Mark Twain

It’s tough to get started when you feel like you’re eating a frog. The fact of the matter is that you have to get started despite how hard it is to take the first step. Just know that every step you take gets you closer to 5pm (or whatever quitting time might be).

15. Lewis Black on Coffee’s Side Effects.

“I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.” - Lewis Black

“I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.” – Lewis Black

Coffee is the most widely used drug in the world. It’s classified as a beverage but with all the hallucinating it provides and the dependencies we develop, it should definitely be classified as a drug. Are you feeling awake yet?

16. T. S. Eliot on Coffee Spoons.

“I have measured out my life with coffee spoons.” - T. S. Eliot

“I have measured out my life with coffee spoons.” – T. S. Eliot

Many of us can say this same thing, especially if you’re caught in the cycle of work, eat, sleep. If life can be measured so frivolously, we have to take a step back and realize that it can’t be taken all too seriously.

17. Ursula Le Guin on Mornings Arrival.

“Morning comes whether you set the alarm or not.” - Ursula K. Le Guin

“Morning comes whether you set the alarm or not.” – Ursula K. Le Guin

The alarm clock only signals us. Morning is going to come whether we decide to participate or not. Plus, even if you sleep in a little later, you are just delaying that inevitable wake up morning that we all dread.

18. Willie Geist’s Morning Routine.

“My routine is to ride that snooze button as far as it will take me, take a quick shower, get dressed in the dark and bolt out the door.” - Willie Geist

“My routine is to ride that snooze button as far as it will take me, take a quick shower, get dressed in the dark and bolt out the door.” – Willie Geist

Everyone survives years of being a young adult by embracing this morning routine. We all remember the time we didn’t brush our hair, the time we had a shirt on inside out, or the numerous times we wore mismatched socks.

19. Catherynne Valente on Morning Battles.

“Every morning is a battle between the superego and the id, and I am a mere foot soldier with mud and a snooze button on her shield.” – Catherynne M. Valente

The snooze button is without a doubt our only defense against morning. Even the most expensive blackout drapes can’t stop the sun from eventually peeking through and pulling us out of bed and reluctantly onto our feet.

20. Picasso on Work.

“Work is a necessity for man. Man invented the alarm clock.” - Pablo Picasso

“Work is a necessity for man. Man invented the alarm clock.” – Pablo Picasso

Why did we invent the alarm clock? That is one of those impossible questions like the chicken and the egg. Which came first: The early morning work schedule for a 40 hour week or the introduction of the alarm clock.

21. Edward Packard on Lawyers.

“The lawyer's first thought in the morning is how to handle the case of the ringing alarm clock.” - Edward Packard, Jr.

“The lawyer’s first thought in the morning is how to handle the case of the ringing alarm clock.” – Edward Packard, Jr.

It’s never too early to make fun of lawyers. With lawyers always looking for ways to exploit everything under the sun to squeeze yet another nickel out of it, it’s no doubt they contemplate the various levels of litigation in the alarm clock.

22. Jackie Chan Talk Coffee.

“Coffee is a language in itself.” - Jackie Chan

“Coffee is a language in itself.” – Jackie Chan

The best part of waking up is having a warm mug of java. It’s important to enjoy that coffee. Trying to face the day without that first and supremely important conversation is like trying to enter the Kentucky Derby on a donkey.

23. David Lynch on Bad Coffee.

“Even bad coffee is better than no coffee at all.” - David Lynch

“Even bad coffee is better than no coffee at all.” – David Lynch

That says it all. It’s better to suffer with whatever garbage brown water you can get your hands on than to suffer through the first few hours with no caffeine in your system. Choke down the awful stuff if you must. Don’t go to battle alone.

24. James Marsden on Waking Up.

“Some people wake up drowsy. Some people wake up energized. I wake up dead.” - James Marsden

“Some people wake up drowsy. Some people wake up energized. I wake up dead.” – James Marsden

When I was young, I jumped out of bed with excitement in my life. I can’t remember the last time I woke up like that. I think most days we all wake up with thoughts of how comfortable the bed will be later that night. Only 16 hours before I can lay back down…

25. Jeannette Winterson on Hurting.

“Do you wake up as I do, having forgotten what it is that hurts or where, until you move?” - Jeanette Winterson

“Do you wake up as I do, having forgotten what it is that hurts or where, until you move?” – Jeanette Winterson

As we get older, it’s impossible to wake up and find that spring in your step. In your 20s, you have no idea that things can hurt. In your 30s, you already see the downward slope. When things are stiff, it’s even harder to get out of bed.

26. Jarod Kintz on the Daily Grind.

“I'm about to get my grind on. My coffee grind. LIke a true hustler.” - Jarod Kintz

“I’m about to get my grind on. My coffee grind. LIke a true hustler.” – Jarod Kintz

Everybody likes to think of themselves as a real badass. The reality is that we are all more likely to get our grinding done in the kitchen than we are in the clubs. The only hustling we get done is that rush to get out the door before we miss the perfect traffic window.

27. Anthony Liccione Still Isn’t Ready.

“No! I'm not ready, this is still my first cup of coffee!” - Anthony Liccione

“No! I’m not ready, this is still my first cup of coffee!” – Anthony Liccione

We can all relate to needing just 5 more minutes and one more cup of coffee before we really get anything productive done. After all, when was the last time you saw a crucial email with the timestamp of 8:01?

(Read this next: 55 Funny Quotes and Sayings to Brighten Your Life)

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1 Comment

  1. Bhavna Patel says:

    I love it

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